Nine Notes Later
by Silver Weasley
Summary: Girls, advice columns, death wishes, and more when the boys pass notes in class and Hermione butts in. [mentions of rhr, hg]
1. Roonil Wazlib

_Nine Notes Later_

_Summary: _Girls, advice columns, death wishes, and more when the boys pass notes in class and Hermione butts in. mentions of r/hr, h/g

**A/N:** Uh, right. I've been battling writer's block lately; just jotting down random ideas. This odd little story sort of evolved into something, and I'm trying to do something productive with it. The title is iffy, as I'm not sure everything in here is just going to be notes, nor am I sure there's only going to be nine sets of them. Ah, well. I'm working on writing things longer than oneshots anyways.

**Disclaimer: Yep, it's all Jo's.**

The Key:

**_Text like this is Ron._**

**Text like this is Harry.**

_Text like this is Hermione._

_**Monday**_

_DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS_

**_Harry._**

**What?**

**_I'm starting to think this Lavender thing was a stupid idea._**

**What, caught on, have you?**

**_Er, maybe. A bit. _**

**And did you realize this before or after she sent you a necklace that spells out "My Sweetheart," christened you Won-Won, and read her Ode to The Redhead of My Heart aloud in the common room? **

**_...don't rub it in, eh?_**

**Right, sorry. So, was there a point to this? Because you know, passing notes in Snape's class is a bit, uh, SUCIDIAL for lack of better term. **

**_Well, how long can he drone on about the structure of the Anti-Anti-Jinx and expect us to pay attention? This is completely dull._**

**You think you can copy off of Hermione's notes, don't you?**

**_Uh...well, you know, we ARE friends again, ever since the poisoning thing. I'm sure she won't mind._**

**Mate, you are utterly predictable. I do hope you realize this—she's going to be expecting it. **

**_I—look, Harry…_**

**Once AGAIN, is there a point? Because while I admit this lesson is getting boring, I'm not looking forward to a round of detentions. I have enough to deal with, what with Malfoy and Slughorn. So spit it out, ok?**

**_Bloody—ugh, fine. Look, how do you chuck someone?_**

**What?**

**_Y'know…chuck someone._**

**Are you actually coming to me for advice on how to get rid of a girlfriend?**

**_Well…_**

**Knowing, I assume, that I have no experience to be of any use?**

**_Look, Harry, who ELSE am I going to ask about this?_**

**Well, how about Hermione?**

**_That's just weird. I can't ask a girl's advice on dumping a girl! Besides, I dunno if you've noticed, but my…er…relationship with Lavender is a bit of a sore subject._**

**Ron, I don't think a single person within the United Kingdom doesn't know that it's a "bit of a sore subject."**

**_Oi! What is it with you today, smartarse? You're almost as bad as Malfoy._**

**...Ok, that was low.**

**_Blimey, I'm sorry. Didn't think about how that'd sound. What I meant is you're ALMOST as bad as Malfoy, but not, you know, a possible Death Eater, smarmy, Slytherin, foul, evil git. _**

**Gee, I feel lots better. **

_Harry! Ron! What do you suppose you're doing?_

_**Passing notes, what does it look like? Don't pretend this lecture of Old Batty the Greaseball's isn't boring the hell out of you.**_

_It seems to me if you have enough energy to invest in writing back and forth to each other, you should be able to write down what Snape is saying as well._

**Hey, don't look at me. He started it.**

_Well, Ron, suppose I don't let you copy my notes again? What then?_

_**You'll just have to have my failing marks on your conscience, won't you?**_

**Hermione, Ron is asking me for advice on love.**

_Oh, is he? Do tell._

_**Harry! You prat, I told you I can't talk to her about this—**_

_No, really Ron, I'm interested. I expect you're finishing up your poem, aren't you?_

_**Poem? What poem?**_

_Oh, but Ron, Lavender's little performance last night was adorable. I'm sure you're writing a masterpiece in response entitled, "Purple Was Never My Favorite Color, But Then I Met You," or something along those lines. Need a rhyme for hoity tart?_

**Merlin, Hermione, that's a bit—er—harsh, don't you think?**

**_Yeah! I'll have you know that's my girlfriend you're banging on about!_**

_I happened to read the notes above, Ronald, and it seems that just moments ago you were begging Harry for advice on—what was the delightful terminology you used? "Chucking a girl?"_

**_Eh, why do you act like I'm trying to write poems, then?_**

**Let's focus on the fact that Snape is—**

_Listen, Ron, if you're going to dump her, just do it. You're only leading her and yourself on._

_**Don't tell me what to do, Hermione.**_

_I'm not telling; I'm suggesting—Harry, would you stop kicking me, please? That really is a distasteful habit._

_**Look, if you're so smart…then how should I…er, break it to her?**_

_As soon as possible. Tonight, I'd say._

**RON! HERMIONE! SNAPE IS—**

oooooo

_TRANSFIGURATION_

_**Can you believe that git? Detention tonight, when I could be chucking Lavender? That is so unfair.**_

**You DO have a death wish—McGonagall is just as bad as Snape! Pay attention, for my sake if not yours!**

**_Oh, please—this stuff is just as boring as Snape's useless waffle. When am I ever going to need to transfigure a marble into a bed?_**

_Suppose you're stuck in the middle of nowhere, you're about to keel over from exhaustion, and all you have is a wand and a marble. I expect you'd find it helpful THEN._

_**What is it with you and butting in on my notes? **_

_What is it with YOU and slacking off in class?_

**What is it with the both of you and getting into arguments in any and all situations?**

_Shut up, Harry._

_**Yeah, what she said! **_

**…How would it be if I accidentally on purpose told McGonagall that you two were distracting me?**

_Harry! _

**Oh, no, I can't concentrate on the Theory of the Melding Spell! Oh, no, I'm going to have to report this—two prefects, setting a bad example for an ickle student…it's just unacceptable!**

**_You watch it, Potter._**

**OOOOOOOH PROFESSOR!**

_All right, all right. Ron, don't stab Harry's eye out with that quill; set it down. Pay attention. He's right, we are a bad example._

_**Neither of you are any fun anymore.**_

oooooo

_CHARMS_

**Hey, Ron, about Lavender.**

**_Oh, I'm so sorry Harry, I can't pass notes with you. I'm concentrating on Flitwick's lecture, you see. Wouldn't do for me, as a prefect, to set a bad example._**

**All right, all right, I'm sorry. Look, I've had an idea about getting rid of her.**

**_All is forgiven! What is it? What should I do?_**

**Well, there is always actually telling her, "I care about you, but I think we'd be better off as friends. Our relationship has meant a great deal to me, but I'm afraid it's best if we end it now before anyone gets hurt."**

**_…_**

**_You've been drinking Fire Whiskey again, haven't you? You know how loopy it makes you—_**

**You prat, I haven't been drinking anything! Listen, if you tell her that all sincerely, she'll probably let you off easy. Girls love that kind of stuff.**

**_How would YOU know? You admitted yourself that you have no experience!_**

**It was in the advice column in _The Daily Prophet_, I just found itHere, let me show you—I think you'll find it absolutely FASCINATING…**

Dear Auntie Andromeda,

My girl is really clingy and annoying, and I really want to chuck her before she gets too attached, but I dunno how to tell a girl I don't love her. She's been doing loads of mad stuff—sending terrible necklaces for Christmas, talking to my best mate about whether we're a "serious" couple…

And the worst bit is, I really fancy this other girl (she's one of my good friend, or—er—WAS, but now she's annoyed with me since I'm going out with the girl I don't like and…well, it's very complicated at any rate), and I dunno how to tell HER how I feel either.

I'm rubbish with women! Please help me!

--Roonil Wazlib

(6th Year, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry)

Dearest Roonil,

Oh, you poor darling, you're at _that _age, aren't you? Don't worry, love, once your hormones settle down, it'll get better.

But, in the meantime, Auntie Andromeda wouldn't want to leave you high and dry! Listen: as for this girl you wish to be rid of, simply tell her, "I care about you, but I think we'd be better off as friends. Our relationship has meant a great deal to me, but I'm afraid it's best if we end it now before anyone gets hurt."

Girls are very sensitive as I'm sure you're aware of, especially in their school years; do be kind to her!

As for the girl you fancy…well, it sounds as if she might fancy you back, dearie! Let her cool off a bit, then let her know just how you feel.

It's very admirable that you wrote to seek advice! It's not too often I get letters from young gentlemen such as yourself, though I've no idea why. Best of luck, my boy. I'm sure the young lady you used to make the girl you fancy jealous will recover quickly.

Love from,

Auntie Andromeda

**_…oh, you have GOT to be joking me._**

**I know! How strange that ANOTHER sixth year at Hogwarts is in your very situation! You know, we really ought to spend more time with other people. It sounds like you and this Roonil Wazlib bloke would get on quite well.**

**_Your contrived stupidity is not appreciated._**

**Where did YOU learn a word like CONTRIVED?**

**_Hermione used it on me a few months back, and then told me to look it up. So, I did, and it means stop playing stupid when we both know that you know I wrote to Auntie Andromeda._**

**Hahahahaha, I didn't expect you to actually admit it! HA! HA! "It's not too often I get letters from young gentlemen such as yourself, though I've no idea why!" HA! **

**_You shut up! I checked the paper every day for three solid months, and they never printed it until NOW? The nerve of some people!_**

**"I'm rubbish with women! Please help me!" Hahahahahaha.**

**_Hey, did I laugh at you when Malfoy broke your nose?_**

**Urgh, are you always going to hold that over my head?**

**_Of course. Then I can use it in situations EXACTLY like this one._**

**Ok, ok, you win. AGAIN. **

**_Well, anyways, I don't think Lavender will appreciate the Auntie Andromeda approach, you know? She's sort of…touchy. I have a feeling that'll just piss her off._**

**Well, I did get another idea, once I read the paper.**

**_Which would be?_**

**Let Lavender catch you and Hermione.**

**_…Come again?_**

**Oh, Ron, stop being contrived.**

**_You're a sodding prat, you know that?_**

**I'll take that as a compliment. Now, do you want me to clarify my great idea, or are you just going to sit there and insult me all day?**

**_Fine. _**

**So, make a move on Hermione…you know, kiss her, or something! I'll even help you! I'll tell Lavender that you want her or something and she can walk into the broom cupboard or wherever you two end up and spot you and then you don't have to dump her at all! She'll be the one chucking you!**

**_You're telling me to snog Hermione. In a broom cupboard. And use that to my advantage to dump Lavender?_**

**Yep.**

**_I'm really starting to worry about you, mate. You're getting more like Malfoy every day!_**

**WHAT? How is that suggestion Malfoy-ish?!**

**_Uh, that's veeery Slytherin! Aren't that lot all about using others to get what they want?_**

**Yes, but it's not veeery Slytherin because it's not as if you'd be using Hermione. You actually fancy her, don't you?**

**_…And, erm, what would give you that idea?_**

**Uh, well, for one, the last three times she's kissed your cheek, you stay distracted for hours and actually appear to spend time being introspective.**

**_That's ridiculous!_**

**You bought her perfume for Christmas last year.**

**_So? She's a girl! Girls like perfume!_**

**You agreed to go on a date with her before the whole Lavender Incident.**

**_It wasn't a date; we've been through this!_**

**You banged on about Krum through four, fifth, and this year, NOT TO MENTION the fact that as soon as you found out she MIGHT have kissed him, you were all over Lavender and refusing to speak to her.**

**_We're friends, and she didn't tell me something as important as that! I don't like secrets!_**

**Yeah, but I'm her friend too, and you don't see me turning into a moody, sulking, angsty, prat with the temper of a Blast Ended Skrewt.**

**_Obviously, since you went through that lovely phase LAST year. Sorry, Harry, we don't all mature quite as quick as you._**

**I'm not even going to dignify that remark with a comment. **

**_Hah. See, you're running out of so-called "evidence." You lose. Again._**

**Like hell I do. There's tons more "evidence" I could use to my advantage, but I think this is most effective: "And the worst bit is, I really fancy this other girl (she's one of my good friend, or—er—WAS, but now she's annoyed with me since I'm going out with the girl I don't like and…well, it's very complicated at any rate), and I dunno how to tell HER how I feel either." Explain away THAT, Roonil.**

**_Who says I wrote that letter?_**

**YOU DO! YOU ADMITTED IT YOURSELF, YOU GREAT, STUPID PRAT! **

**_Oh. Right._**

**You. Are. Hopeless.**

**_Ugh, Harry, what am I going to do?_**

_What are you going to do about what?_

_**AGH!! Why do you always—hey, stop reading over my shoulder!**_

**Erm, Hermione, you really, really don't want to see this. It's all about…er…you know. Bloke stuff. Not anything you'd want to see.**

_What's this about Blast Ended Skrewts…? And why are you two talking about me? What's this s—_

oooooo

POTIONS

**That was inspired, Ron. Very quick thinking.**

**_Ugh, lucky Flitwick let me off with just detention. You think he bought the whole "accidentally setting the entire table on fire" thing, don't you?_**

**He didn't seem very surprised.**

**_No. That was the sad part._**

**Aw, cheer up. At least Hermione didn't find out your dirty little secret.**

**_Yeah, about Hermione. I'm thinking it's a good idea if we—_**

_Ron, I can't understand what that little Incendio charm of yours was about last class! Honestly, if you don't want me to read what you and Harry are writing, just say so!_

_**I give up. **_

oooooo

**A/N Again: **Just wanted to reiterate the fact that I have absolutely no clue where this is going. Please, please, review, with suggestions, if possible, and I'll try to get the next installment out ASAP. I'm thinking a couple of to-do lists or diary entries--what say you?


	2. The Worst Day Ever

**Disclaimer: Yep, it's all Jo's.**

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to all who reviewed last chapter! On the suggestion of one reviewer, I attempted to write the notes so that there was a lot less "cutting off," since that's not very typical of...uh, well, note writing. Yes, well, note the word ATTEMPTED. I have a horrible problem with using too many dashes and ellipsis and things like that, so assume if you see one of those at the end of a sentence (like somebody is being cut off or interrupted) it's to indicate the parchment got ripped away from someone. ::cough:: Yes, I know that's sad.

Also, I think Ron got a little insane in this chapter, but ah well. We love him anyway. xD

The Key:

**Text like this is Harry.**

**_Text like this is Ron_**.

_Text like this is Hermione._

Text like this is Malfoy.

oooo

**_Tuesday_**

_HERBOLOGY_

_**Guess what?**_

**Leave me alone, Roonil.**

_**Well, just in case you were wondering, I looked at my horoscope today.**_

**I'm serious. I'm trying to concentrate. **

_**And guess what it said? Just guess, Harry.**_

**Hm, how about, "Today you are destined to annoy the hell out of your best mate by passing pointless notes about your horoscope." **

_**Wrong! I can see why you quit Divination, Harry. Trewlaney's right—no Seer in you at all.**_

…

_**Harry? Aren't you wondering about my horoscope?**_

…

**_Fine, then, I'll tell you. It said, "Romantic upheaval ahead." That can only mean one thing, Harry._**

**Sure, whatever. Damn, what was that about the dragon-eating Venus Flytrap? She doesn't actually expect us to BREED those, does she? **

**_It means the stars have decreed that I am fated to chuck Lavender. _**

**Merlin, I am never going to pass this N.E.W.T. ! **

_**If the stars wish it, then so be it. That's what I have to say.**_

_Oh, honestly. You two aren't passing notes AGAIN, are you?_

_**Hark who's talking. Nobody ever invites you into these things, you just steal the parchment! It's not as if we begged you to stop paying attention.**_

_I do this for your own good. I think it's ridiculous how much energy you waste writing these things, and then you complain that you've got a hand cramp when it's time to write your Defense Against the Dark Arts Essay. _

_**Don't nag me, Hermione. Don't you want to hear about my horoscope?**_

_No._

_**It says I have romantic upheaval ahead, which can only mean that—**_

_Ron, if you hadn't landed yourself two detentions last night, I'm sure you and Lavender would already have been over by now. The stars don't have a thing to do with it._

_**Oh, you think you're so smart. How d'you know I would have ended it, then?**_

_Well, you only obsessed over how Snape and Flitwick were ruining your life, cringed every time you thought you saw Lavender, and then after every cringing session informed Harry and me that if it wasn't for the detentions, you would get rid of her. _

_**I have really got to stop telling you things.**_

_Yes, nasty habit, that._

_**And it was completley unfair that Snape only gave ME detention, might I add. Just because he saw me reaching for the parchment…**_

_Harry got detention, too._

_**Yeah, but not until next week because Snape said he couldn't trust the pair of us to do actual work if he assigned us double detention.**_

_Well, I think if you want to avoid anymore detentions, you ought to stop writing me notes and pay attention._

**Oh my God, I can't believe Sprout! How are we supposed to do all of this in one period? Blimey, those directions were complicated…good job I took notes on them, or else I'd be finished.**

**_…What directions?!_**

_You took NOTES? _

_**No, seriously! What are we doing?**_

_Harry, you'll tell us, won't you?_

_**C'mon, stop looking smug.**_

_I've let you copy notes loads of times, Harry Potter, and if you hold out on me the one time I get distracted, I will make you very, very sorry indeed._

**Oh, right. What could YOU do to me?**

_Well, let's just say I'll make it perfectly clear to the girl you fancy that you fancy her._

_**What? Who does Harry fancy?**_

**Nobody, nobody at all. Hermione is delusional.**

_Oh, I've just had a better idea. Ron, after class we'll need to have a private conversation._

_**Private? Why?**_

_Well, it's just that I'm very worried about Ginny lately, and I think it's best if you know that—_

**No, no, I already told Ron about the…um…O.W.L. stress she was having, Hermione. You really needn't worry him again. And here are the notes, I recopied them for you. Let me know if you need anything else!**

**_…what was that all about?_**

_Never you mind. Come on, we better start working._

oooo

_POTIONS_

**Ron, don't believe anything Hermione tells you.**

**_Does this have to do with the girl you fancy?_**

**I told you I don't fancy anybody, but Hermione seems to think I do. So, er, just…just don't pay her any mind, ok?**

**_I like how you tell Hermione things but not me._**

**I didn't tell her anything!**

**_Sure. We'll see about that. _**

**What is that supposed to mean?**

**_To quote dear Hermy, "Never you mind." Now go read the Prince's text book. You're distracting me._**

**That's rich, coming from YOU.**

oooo

(_STILL POTIONS_)

**_Hey, Hermione, what has Harry been telling you?_**

_Nothing he hasn't told you, I'm sure._

_**Then how come you have dirt on him?**_

_They're called EYES, Ron. Use them once in awhile._

_**And what's that supposed to mean?**_

_Exactly what it sounds like. It's so obvious Harry fancies this girl that Gregory Goyle stomped up to me and demanded (very rudely, might I add) to know if they were going out yet. I never thought I'd say it, but poor Goyle. He obviously has something of a crush on her._

_**EWWWW, poor Goyle?! What about the poor girl he was going to make a move on? **_

_**…Who is she?**_

_Who?_

_**Contrived stupidity is not attractive, Hermione.**_

_Don't use my own line on me, Ronald. Listen, if you want to know who Harry fancies, just ask him yourself._

_**I already tried it, and it didn't work!**_

_Then I expect you'll just have to be clueless, won't you?_

_**You know what? You and Harry can both stick it where the sun don't shine.**_

_Lovely colloquialism. Now go back to your potion._

_**This isn't the end! I'll find out who Harry fancies, just you wait and see, Granger!**_

oooo

(_STILL POTIONS_)

**_Oi, Goyle. Normally, I wouldn't waste time on a Slytherin git like you, but I'm desperate. So tell me: who does Harry fancy?!_**

It's hilarious how you think we Slytherins care this much about such trivialities as Gryffindor romance. Go away, Weasleby.

**_I didn't pass the note to you, Ferret, I passed it to that great hulking minion next to you. It would do if you learned not to butt into people's conversations._**

Look, just because Goyle wears glasses, it doesn't mean he can read. 

**_Clever, Malfoy. Really clever. Look, just pretend I never passed this note, and we can get on with our lives. Obviously this was a stupid idea._**

Stupid, yes, but it's not as if I expected anything else. Why are you asking Goyle about Potty's love life, anyways?

**_Sod off, Malfoy._**

Ooh, now I'm really curious. What's the matter, Weasley, run out of clever retorts? Oh, wait, what am I saying? You've never had any to begin with!

**_See, that's the thing. I don't waste brain cells on shitheads like you. _**

Ouch, I'm hurt. My heart, it bleeds.

**_If anyone ever forgot to mention you're a snarky bastard, let me be the first one to deliver the happy news._**

Oh, thanks ever so! And since I doubt anyone who's met you has forgotten to tell you you're a poor, stupid, sniveling, poor, thickheaded, poor, blood-traitor with a pumpkin for a head, it wouldn't be polite for me to disillusion you.

_**Very original, Malfoy. You get more creative every year, you know that? **_

Weasley, if you were any kind of interesting, I'd have more to complain about. But as you remain pathetic, and pathetic is neither interesting nor inspiring, I am stuck forever in the land of Your-Father-is-a-Loser-and-You're-Poor-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!

**_Ugh, don't get carried away, Malfoy. You're not especially fascinating either._**

I'm more interesting than you.

**_Like how? All you do is make fun of people and sneer and brag about your rich father, who, might I add, is locked up in Azkaban for being a stinking Death Eater, while my "loser father" has a job and is a well-respected Ministry department head. _**

Don't you dare insult my father, Weasley.

**_Oh, how valiant! Defending dear old Death Eating Daddy, are we?_**

Shut UP, Weasley!

**_Or what, Malfoy? I'm not scared of a cowardly git like you. _**

Call me a coward, will you? I'll have you know not all Father's Ministry connections are completley gone. There are still people, people with loads of power, who are on our side, and I can have them keep an eye on you!

**_Ooh, I' m quaking in my boots._**

Don't mess with me, Weasley! I have connections, wealth, and experience your puny little pea brain cannot even fathom. Not to mention, all it takes is a word, and Crabbe and Goyle can land you in the Hospital Wing for another week. Fancy a beating, Weasley?

**_Gee, Malfoy, you sure are scary and brave. They'll be singing ballads about you on cold winter nights, I reckon. _**

You really are sad, Weasley. I have better things to be doing than wasting time writing to you and reading about your musings on who dear Potty fancies and what a meanie I am. Why don't you go back to him and your little Mudblood girlfriend?

**_Yeah, well I have better things to be doing than writing to a stupid prat with an arse for a head._**

_**…**_

_**AND HERMIONE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND**_

_**…**_

_**AND DON'T CALL HER A MUDBLOOD!**_

_**…**_

_**And oh yeah, one more thing. I hate you. **_

oooo

_TRANSFIGURATION_

_Well, did you find out?_

_**Find out what?**_

_Who Harry fancies, of course._

_**No.**_

_No? _

_**No.**_

_What happened to, "Just you wait and see, Granger!"?_

_**I really don't feel like discussing it right now.**_

**Are you two passing notes AGAIN? And Ron, why were you and Malfoy tossing notes back and forth throughout the entirety of last class? Did you even bother to make your potion?**

**_I did it in five minutes; got a bit creative at the end. Maybe it's all right. Slughorn might give a point for effort._**

_Somehow, I sincerely doubt that._

_**Your unwavering support is heartening, Hermione, it truly is.**_

_Stop it._

_**No, don't be modest. You sure do know how to make a bloke feel appreciated.**_

**Very subtle, avoiding the main question Ron. I repeat: why were you and Malfoy passing notes? That seems sort of…um, out of character.**

**_He was confirming for me that he's a ruddy git who deserves to rot in the hole under the rock he crawled out from underneath, that's all. Nothing special._**

**Ah, that's good to know. **

**Erm, he didn't happen to mention anything about where he's been sneaking off to…?**

**_Ugh, Hermione, Harry's being obsessive about Malfoy again._**

_That is rather unhealthy, Harry. Perhaps you should see Madam Pomfrey._

**I just want to know what he's up to! It's not unhealthy!**

**_…oh, my God, Hermione, please tell me it isn't true!_**

_…You've lost me._

_**Is that who Harry fancies?! MALFOY?! **_

_Wha—_

_**OH MY GOD! HOW COULD I NOT HAVE SEEN IT!**_

_Ron…_

_**THAT'S WHY MALFOY WAS SO EVIL AND SECRETIVE! HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO DISCOVER THE TRUTH—**_

_Ron, please just—_

_--**THE HORRIBLE TRUTH, WHICH IS THAT HE AND HARRY ARE SECRETLY IN LOVE! AGHHHHH!**_

**THAT'S what you were writing to Malfoy about? Who I'm in LOVE with? You prat!**

**_Don't try to hide it anymore, Harry. _**

**I'm not hiding anything, moron. That you could even suggest…UGH, I am not in love with Malfoy! That's disgusting! That's so disgusting I think I might have to go get Madam Pomfrey to Obliviate this particular memory, just so I don't wake up in the middle of the night screaming my head off from the nightmares it will induce. **

_Yes, Ron, I assure you. It's not Malfoy. And I do seem to remember saying it was a GIRL Harry fancies, but I suppose that slightly unimportant detail just slipped your mind, didn't it?_

_**This is the worst day ever, except possibly for the fact that Harry is not in love with Malfoy, which would have made this my final worst day ever because I would have flung myself off the Astronomy Tower, drowned myself in Black Lake, and then nicked a Time-Turner, gone back in time to the day I was poisioned, and stopped Harry stuffing the bezoar down my throat. **_

_Ok, I think I'm going to take notes on Professor McGonagall's lecture now._

_**Don't think I won't find out who you fancy, Harry.**_

**Yeah, I think I'll pay attention as well. This is getting way, way too creepy for my taste.**

**_Because I will. You can't keep things from me!_**

_**Hey! Don't ignore me!**_

_**Fine, I'll keep writing until you acknowledge me.**_

_**Prat. How can you not tell me who you fancy?**_

_**That's low, mate. Really low.**_

_**…**_

_**Ok, then. Be that way. See if I care. Because I don't. And I won't sulk for the rest of the day, either.**_

_**Bugger. I still haven't chucked my unwanted girlfriend, I just had a lengthy conversation with Malfoy, and my best mate won't even tell me who he has a crush on.**_

_**My life is rubbish. **_

oooo

**Author's Note Again: ** I have invisible cookies for all those who review and inspire me to keep updating this story as regularly as possible. Also, I want to know your opinion: a random interlude from the teachers, yay or nay?


	3. Blackmail!

Nine Notes Later

**Disclaimer: **If I were J.K. Rowling, I'd be more concerned about finishing my awaited seventh book than writing silly fanfiiction.

**A/N: **I've had the third installment sitting around for awhile, but thanks to where I live and a certain earthquake, my internet hasn't been acting its best of late. I'm not too sure how well this one turned out--I think it's kind of pointless--but oh well. And yes, Lavender's uncapitalized, badly spelled IM-lingo is purposeful; don't worry, I haven't thrown away any skill I may possess yet. xD Here you go kids. Read, review, and (hopefully) enjoy!

**_ooo_**

The Key:

_**Text like this is Ron.**_

**Text like this is Harry.**

_Text like this is Hermione._

Text like this is Lavender.

_**Wednesday**_

_DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS_

won-won, will you take a walk around the lake w/ me after lunch? haha, i can think of some fun things we can do…

_**Uh, sorry Lavender, I'm trying to concentrate on Snape's lecture. Can we talk about this some other time? **_

that's not fare! you and harry pass notes all the time, and with hermione too. why wont u pass notes with your own g/f? 

_**That's besides the point. I'm a prefect. I have to set a good example. **_

that's ur excuse 4 everything lately!! if i want a snog in the common room, you tell me that u've re-thought your behavior and that we should do it in private and not where the first yrs can see, but then we're never alone! what's wrong with you ron?? u're acting all funny!

_**We'll talk later, Lavender. Later. I promise.**_

--

_(STILL DADA)_

_**HARRY!!**_

**Do you want detention again, you idiot? Put the quill down!**

_**I AM SO SCREWED! LAVENDER KNOWS SOMETHING'S UP! LOOK AT THESE NOTES SHE PASSED ME!**_

**She really needs to work on her grammar issues, doesn't she? **

_**Yeah, well, that aside—DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE I AM SCREWED? NOW I HAVE TO TALK TO HER! AND CHUCK HER! **_

**Ron, you knew this day would come.**

_**AHHHHHH!**_

**Why are you freaking out so much about this? I thought you _wanted _to get rid of Lavender. **

_**I do, I do. It's just…Harry, you KNOW how I am with confrontations! I can't do it! I'm absolute bloody RUBBISH at it. I'll make a mess of it and hurt Lavender and even though she's a grammatically challenged twit with a one-track mind and gives me stupid necklaces for Christmas, I don't want to make her cry!**_

**That seems inevitable. I hate to say it, but it does.**

**_You know, times like this I wish you were a girl or something._**

…**WHAT?!**

**_Well, it's just that…how to put this politely?...you're an insensitive git. Girls are understanding and comforting and all that. _**

**What the—how can you even SAY that?! YOU'RE the one who's boorish and immature! YOU'RE the one who ruins the chance you might have with the girl you like by shunning her and going out with a freaking _sycophant! _YOU'RE the one who has the emotional range of a teaspoon! NOT ME!**

_**Well, you could, I dunno HUMOR me a bit. And oi, where'd you learn all those big words?**_

**Yeah, well, when YOU were snogging _Lav-Lav_, I was hanging out with _Hermione._ And oh, boy, did we have _us_ some fun…**

…_**Harry…**_

**What?**

…_**YOU FANCY HERMIONE?! YOU—YOU—I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL BLOODY EFFING—**_

**Ron, before you work yourself up anymore than necessary, _no_, I do NOT fancy her! That's almost (but not quite) as gross as insinuating I fancy Malfoy. She's like my sister, ok? And for the love of _Christ, _would you _quit _it with this obsessive worrying over my love life? What I meant when I said we had fun was that we STUDIED! It was sarcasm! Merlin, you're so bloody sensitive, I could just…just…_slap you!_**

_**Ugh.**_

**_Harry, I'm sorry. My imagination gets the best of me sometimes._**

**Really? I hadn't noticed.**

_**Oh, stop being a prat. I said I was sorry!**_

**All right, all right. So, back to the main point: how are you going to chuck Lavender?**

_**AGH!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO REMIIIIIND MEEEE?!**_

**There IS always that thing I suggested…you know, with Hermione…and the broom cupboard…**

_**No. I won't do that to her. She'd hate me and…Harry, I've already ruined too much with her. I can't hurt her like that.**_

**Wow. You really _do_ fancy her. Ron, that's good. That's _great_. I'm really happy for you.**

_**The thing is, Harry, that I'm not sure I fancy her.**_

**What? Of course you do! I see how you moon over her; I'm not blind. **

_**No, no. It's just that I think I might…**_

**Might what?**

**_Um…bloody hell, here comes Snape! Quick, put the quills away—_**

_POTIONS_

**Liar!**

_**I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about, Harry.**_

**You lied! Snape was nowhere _near _us! What were you going to say, _Roonil_? **

_**Nothing.**_

**Were too.**

_**Were not.**_

**Were TOO. **

_**Were NOT.**_

**Were not.**

_**Were too.**_

**Ha, you admit it yourself!**

**_That was a sneaky trick! Look Harry, just leave it alone, ok? I dunno if you've noticed, but I don't want to talk about it._**

**Ron, come on. We tell each other everything, remember? You're my best mate.**

_**Yeah, this from the bloke who won't tell ME who he fancies. That's rich, that is.**_

**Uh…that's…different.**

_**No, it really isn't. And you know it.**_

**It's just that you won't like…erm…who I fancy.**

'_**Course I will. She must be great if YOU chose her.**_

**Ron, I can't tell you.**

_**Well fine then. I can't tell you what I was going to say.**_

**If I guess, will you tell me?**

_**No.**_

**Yes, you will. You can't keep a secret for the life of you.**

_**I can too!**_

**No, you really can't. The entire school knew exactly how you felt about Hermione. That's why everyone was so shocked when you snogged Lavender in the common room.**

_**Oh. I thought it was just a coincidence everyone kept coming up and verifying that Lavender didn't feed me a love potion.**_

**Trust me, it wasn't.**

_**Well, whatever. Are you going to guess, then?**_

**Do you love Hermione?**

…**_What?_**

**Do we have to go through the whole contrived thing again? It's a simple question, Ron. Do you or do you not love her?**

_**Um…**_

**Your ears are red! HAH! I knew it!!**

_**Love is an awfully strong word, Harry.**_

**Admit it! You LOOOOOVE Hermione, don't you?**

_**Sod off, will you?**_

**You do. Hahahahaha, Ron loves Hermione, Ron loves Hermione!**

_**You prat, stop it! I…I…**_

**You're certainly not denying it.**

_**Yeah, but…erm…**_

**JUST ADMIT IT! You know you want to.**

_**Oh all right. FINE. Yes, I love Hermione. And I hate it.**_

**Why? I'm almost positive she returns the sentiments, if that bird attack was anything to go by.**

**_That's just it, though! We argue all the time. She's so bloody smart and perfect and beautiful and just…just…blimey, I can't even put it into words. All I know is that I hardly deserve her, and I'm the dumbest bloke in the world for hurting her like I did._**

**So you hate loving her because you think she's…I dunno, better than you?**

_**Yeah. Yeah, that sounds about right.**_

**You're far too hard on yourself, you know. There's a reason you're Hermione's and my best friend.**

_**What, I'm good for a laugh and my mum knits a damn good sweater?**_

**You left out that you're brave and loyal and a good friend, and how you do nice stuff all the time, like letting me stay at your house or teaching me about Wizarding stuff. You left out that you were the first friend I ever had and you're a prefect and you kick everyone's arse at chess. It's not like Hermione has no reason to love you.**

_**Well, thanks mate. That's sporting of you to say.**_

**I mean it!**

_**Really?**_

**Really.**

…

_**Um, Harry, just so we're clear-**_

**Oh, for the love of Merlin, you are IMPOSSIBLE. I do _not _fancy you! Would you bloody stop it with this?!**

_**Well, it's just that you were getting awfully sentimental…**_

**I left out the part that you're a temperamental, over-sensitive thickheaded git when you want to be. Which is most of the time. There, do you feel better now?**

_**Prat.**_

**Git.**

_**Boy Who Lived to Be a Pain in the Rear.**_

**Spattergroit-Face.**

_**Ok, Potter, that's it. How could you sink so low?**_

**You're one to talk. You compare me to Malfoy on an almost regular basis!**

_**And with good reason. Just look at the Slytherin you've become! Turning my freckles against me…**_

**That's it. I give up on you!**

--

(_STILL POTIONS)_

_**Harry, I'm sorry. **_

**Yeah, me too. Do you want the notes on Slughorn's lecture?**

**_Yeah. And can I borrow the Prince's book with you?_**

**Sure.**

_**Listen, about Hermione. What should I do?**_

**Ron, it couldn't be simpler. Break-up with Lavender. Then ask Hermione out. **

**_It's that easy?_**

'**Course it is.**

_**All right then.**_

_**So.**_

_**Who do you fancy?**_

**I'm not telling you!!**

_**Harry, I told you I loved Hermione.**_

**I annoyed you into admitting it.**

_**Same difference. Tell me who you fancy.**_

**No.**

_**Tell me!**_

**NO!**

_**Is it Pavarti?**_

**Uh, no.**

_**Well, you DID ask her to the Ball…**_

**That was two years ago, and as a last resort!**

_**Ok…um, let's see…**_

_**It's not Luna, is it?**_

**You've got to be joking me.**

_**Well, you asked her to Slughorn's party!**_

**AS FRIENDS.**

_**Ok, ok. Hm…let's see. Do I know her?**_

**Why do you care?**

_**Same reason you care that I fancy Hermione.**_

**Ugh. Fine. Yeah, you know her.**

_**Well, this narrows things down! Erm…is it Cho, still?**_

**Yeah right.**

_**Eloise Midgen?**_

**No, no, NO.**

_**Susan Bones?**_

**Nope.**

_**Hannah Abbot. **_

**Didn't you hear? She and Ernie are going out.**

_**Right. Um…Merlin, I dunno. **_

**You know more girls than that!**

_**I guess, but they're the only ones who spring to mind.**_

**So are we done with this obsession with who I fancy?**

_**For the time being.**_

**Great. Now I can finish my potion.**

_**Oh, hell! I haven't even started!**_

**We only have three minutes left.**

_**THREE?! AGH!**_

**Aw, cheer up, Roonil. Slughorn might give you half a point for getting out your cauldron.**

_**I hate you, Potter.**_

**Right back at you, Wazlib.**

_TRANSFIGURATION_

_Harry, you and Ron were being awfully secretive about your notes the past two classes. Why did you elbow me out of the way when I tried to peek in on them?_

**It's private, Hermione. Bloke stuff.**

_That's the excuse for everything lately! You and Ron are my two best friends and it's rude of you to exclude me just because I'm a girl. I tell you two everything!_

**Everything?**

_Well, almost everything. _

**See? You keep your girly stuff private and we keep our bloke stuff private.**

_I hate it when you're right like this._

…

_Harry. I have to ask you. Do you think Ron REALLY wants to chuck Lavender?_

**Believe me, I'm positive. **

_But how can you be sure?_

**I just am, all right? It was…uh, something he said to me.**

_When did he say it to you?_

**Just now. And honestly, Hermione, don't be thick. You'd have to be blind to not know that Ron can't stand Lavender.**

_Did he write it to you? In the notes? Can I read them, Harry, please?_

**No. We're supposed to be concentrating on McGonagall's lecture!**

_You're one to talk, Harry Potter. All you DO in class lately is note-pass; at least _I_ did the homework last night. _

**Rub it in, Hermione.**

_Harry…_

**What is it now?**

_Do you think after Ron chucks Lavender, he'll…er…ask someone else out?_

**Well I should hope so. He's only head-over-heels in love with—**

**Um.**

**Never mind.**

_WHO? WHO IS HE IN LOVE WITH, HARRY?_

**I didn't mean it! I…I didn't—**

_Harry James Potter, you tell me right this instant or…or I'll tell Ron about Ginny!_

**Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you. How do you KNOW about that anyways?!**

_It's quite obvious, Harry. I expect Ginny is the only one not yet aware of your sentiments._

**And that kind of presents a problem.**

_Indeed._

_Nice distraction tactic, by the way. _

**Leave it, Hermione.**

_I mean it, Harry! I'll tell him!_

**Why are girls so _ruthless?! _I mean, that's…that's blackmail!**

_I prefer to think of it as incentive, actually. Now tell me who Ron fancies or I'll be forced to take drastic action._

_It's not Pavarti, right?_

**Oh, don't be stupid.**

_You did NOT just call me stupid._

**Look, Hermione, I'm not the one you should be talking to here. If you want to know who Ron fancies so much, why don't YOU ask him?**

_Because I sincerely doubt he'd tell me after the way I reacted to his girlfriend LAST time. The birds were…er…a bit much._

**Right.**

_It's just that I was so surprised, you see. And Lavender…she's a real…well, you know…when she wants to be. And she's shallow and selfish and—_

**I get it, Hermione. **

_All right, Harry, come on now. Show me those notes. I am three seconds away from telling—_

**Ok, ok, you win already! I'll show you the blinking notes!! **

…**He is going to kill me.**

_Of course he's not. Don't be silly._

**Oh, I wouldn't bet on that. Ugh. Fine. I'll show you…later. Tomorrow, ok? **

_Do you promise?_

**Of course I promise. I haven't got a choice, have I? **

**Come on, McGonagall's headed our way, we better—**


	4. Bargains and Betrayal

_A/N:_ Your eyes do not decieve you. This is, in fact, AN UPDATE. I'm actually a little shocked myself. xD Okay, so yeah, basically in this chapter Malfoy is really creepy and Ron is a bit homicidal, but yeah, bear with me. I had fun writing this in various airports and on planes and stuff, so if it's a little disjointed, blame lack of sleep.

Oh yeah, I've also been on this huge _Supernatural _kick lately so without even realizing it I slipped one of Meg's lines from the "Devil's Trap" ep in here. Next chapter dedicated to the first person who can find it, just because I feel like it. Now, read, review, and enjoy. D

--

**Chapter Four: **

**Bargains and Betrayal**

_Key:_

**_Text like this is Ron._**

**Text like this is Harry.**

_Text like this is Hermione._

**Text like this is Professor Sprout.**

Text like this is Malfoy or Dean Thomas. 

oooo

_**Thursday**_

_HERBOLOGY _

**_I'm so glad to be rid of Lavender. _**

**Yes, I can see this.**

**_It was brilliant. Did you see the way she looked at me this morning? It was as though I were vile, _worse _than vile even! She'll never want to speak to me again!_**

**Only YOU would be this thrilled about a pretty girl hating your guts.**

_**Yeah, she's decent looking, I'll give you that—but she's not, well…you know…**_

**Yeah, about Hermione, I've been meaning to tell you—**

_You do realize we're supposed to be pruning the Dragon's Breath now, don't you?_

_**Sprout finished with the notes, then? What'd we miss?**_

_I'm not telling you. _

**Hey, I gave _you _Herbology notes last time!**

_Well, I had to blackmail you first. It doesn't count, and besides, I've let you copy lots of times._

**Remember our little agreement yesterday, Hermione?**

_Um…maybe._

**If you expect me to keep my end of the bargain, you might want to think about letting me see _your _notes then, wouldn't you?**

_Harry, exactly how closely have you been shadowing Malfoy? Because you really are starting to sound an awful lot like him._

**WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP SAYING THAT?!**

_**Maybe 'cause it's true. OUCH! DON'T HIT ME!**_

_**And hey, why are we writing notes? Won't it look more suspicious to Sprout if we're sitting here shoving a piece of parchment back and forth at each other then if we're whispering like we usually do?**_

**Excellent reasoning, Weasley. Forty-five points to Gryffindor, I say, for sheer cleverness.**

**And that's forty-four points from Gryffindor for passing notes in my class. Next time it'll be detention, do I make myself clear?**

**Lovely. Carry on, then.**

oooo

_POTIONS _

**_Okay, so remind me to always pay attention in Herbology from now on, especially during notes._**

**Yeah, good job Madam Pomfrey was by the greenhouses. Those third-degree burns of yours were horrible.**

_If you were a Muggle you certainly would have died._

_**Is that supposed to make me feel better?**_

_Well, no, I expect not. I still think it's fascinating, though, at some level—a particularly hardy Muggle might have managed to survive but would definitely be in a coma. But you, a mediocre wizard—_

_**OI!**_

—_have a fire-breathing plant absolutely torch you, set every bit of your body on fire, and a) you don't feel the pain because Professor Sprout was so quick with that numbing/dousing charm, and b) instead of spending months in the hospital, Madam Pomfrey simply waves her wand, rubs a bit of salve on your face, and poof! You're absolutely fine and right on time for your next class!_

_**Yes, lucky me.**_

**Well, she has a point, mate. Don't look so sour about it. You're, y'know, alive. After being set on fire.**

_**I've survived worse. I don't see what the big fuss is all about.**_

_I have an uncle who's a firefighter and he's always landing in the hospital for minor burns and things. You just have to understand, it can still seem strange to me._

**Yeah, I know what you mean. I knew this kid in grade school whose cousin's friend's grandfather died when he fell asleep with a lit cigarette and set his bed on fire.**

_How horrible!_

**I know! Imagine being stupid enough to forget to put out a _cigarette._ That's borderline pathetic, that is.**

_I meant that he DIED, Harry, not that he was an idiot._

_**...For the love of Merlin. Muggle-borns.**_

**I'm not Muggle-born!**

_**You're as good as.**_

_There's nothing WRONG with being Muggle-born, Harry!_

**I never said there was. My Mum was Muggle-born, wasn't she?**

_You got defensive about it though._

**Well, wouldn't you get defensive if someone called you pureblood?**

_Hm, I suppose that's a fair point, but—_

**_Okay, I'll leave you two to it. I'm off to make a potion Slughorn will actually grade. D'you know he didn't even attempt to give me a mark last time? He just handed it back to me with this disgusted expression on his face and told me I'd have to start applying myself if I even expected to get a FAILING grade from him._**

_Wonderful, Ron. Get cracking._

…_**Uh, righto. **_

_We'd better start too, Harry, but first I'd like to see those notes from yesterday. I assume you saved them?_

**Isn't this kind of risky? I mean, Ron is sitting right there.**

_He won't care so much if I know who he fancies!_

**He won't, will he? How would you know?**

_You don't seem to be all that perturbed I know about Ginny. Aren't you pleased she and Dean broke it off?_

**That's different. (And yes, I am.)**

_No, it isn't._

**Yes, TRUST ME, it is.**

_Is not._

**Is too.**

_IS NOT._

**IS TOO.**

_This is far too childish a conversation, Harry. I just don't understand what the big deal is._

**Oh, I'm sick of you and Ron playing stupid about this!**

_About what?_

**I…I…_ugh. _I'm going to do my potion now, Hermione. We'll talk later.**

_Harry._

_Haaaarry._

_HARRY!_

_Good Merlin, FINE then. But don't think you've heard the last of this!_

oooo

_(STILL POTIONS)_

Oi, Potter.

**#$! off, you slimy little &!#head.**

Gasp, Potter! You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Oh wait, I forgot. You _don't._

**How's your daddy doing in Azkaban? Enjoying rotting away in a dank, cold cell, is he?**

Touché.

Fortunately _Daddy _won't be stuck there too much longer. Your sainted parents, however, remain irreversibly…dead. Heard about your godfather, too. Shame really. People just seem to keep kicking the bucket left and right around you, don't they?

...ooh, nice try, Potter. Too bad that amusing little hex of yours hit Goyle instead. 

**We'll settle this later, Malfoy, when you don't have your human shields to shove in front of you at a moment's notice. Maybe then we'll see if you can actually duel. Now leave me the hell alone.**

Tempting, but unfortunately I contacted you for a reason. 

What's this I hear about you fancying someone?

**...And why do YOU care?**

Curiosity. Weasley mentioned it last class and I got to wondering.

**Leave. Me. Alone.**

Is it the Weaslette? 

**Just shut up Malfoy. You've been my enemy since day one and even _I _have not stooped to the level of asking you questions about your personal life. Wanna know why? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, and you shouldn't give one about me either. **

**So bugger off.**

**Now.**

You understand, Potter, that the more you insult me, the more I am motivated to use what little knowledge I _do _possess to my advantage. 

**What are you implying, ferret?**

I think you know _exactly _what I'm implying, Potty. 

**Care to tell me what you've been up to lately when you're skiving off Quidditch matches?**

We've discussed how that knowledge pertains to you.

**Exactly. Now you understand why you don't need to know who I fancy. Like you'd do anything but mock me about it.**

**Newsflash, Malfoy: I'm not scared of you. **

No, that I do not doubt Potter. But you should be.

Well, cheerio. We'll continue this conversation later.

**Like hell we will. **

oooo

_TRANSFIGURATION_

_I just had the strangest thing happen to me in Ancient Runes._

_**Whoa, YOU'RE starting the notes this time? **_

_Well, I have something to tell you and I can't very well start whispering in front of McGonagall, can I? That would be rude._

_**Isn't it sort of rude for you to be passing notes?**_

_That's beside the point, Ronald. ANYWAYS, as I was saying, the strangest thing just happened in Runes!_

_**Which was…?**_

_Oh, well, Dean showed me this article he found in The Daily Prophet. It was an advice column!_

…

_**An advice column??**_

_Yes. It was very strange, he seemed to think I'd get something out of it, though honestly—the letters were all from these pathetic people who have nothing better to do than whine to someone they've never met. _

_**Hahaha, yeah, those people sure are stupid. Don't waste your time reading anymore of that useless waffle.**_

_I don't intend to. I just don't see why Dean thought it was so funny; maybe he was playing a prank on me._

_**Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Our pal Dean's a bit touched in the head.**_

_All right. If you say so._

0000

(_STILL TRANSFIGURATION)_

_**I am going to KILL Dean Thomas.**_

**Uh…any particular reason or is this just a whim?**

_**Well, one: he broke my baby sister's heart.**_

**Ginny was the one who broke it off and she seems fine to me.**

**_A mere triviality! And two: HE SHOWED HERMIONE THE ADVICE COLUIMN. _**

**Ah.**

_**AH does not begin to cover it, mate. What was Thomas playing at?!**_

**Don't ask me, ask him. **

…

**Uh, I didn't mean tha—**

_**Why Harry, what a brilliant idea. Why you weren't Ravenclaw I haven't the faintest idea!**_

**I'm off to slam my head against my desk fifty thousand times. **

oooo

_(STILL TRANSFIGURATION)_

_**You're dead, Thomas.**_

Aw, c'mon Ron, it was just a little harmless fun.

_**HARMLESS FUN? You do realize that HARMLESS FUN could ruin my entire life?**_

Don't see how. After all, hell if you two are ever gonna do anything about that sexual tension of yours without a little prodding.

…_**Sexual tension? **_

Merlin, your ears sure do go a funny shade of red.

_**SEXUAL tension?**_

…

_**SEXUAL TENSION?!?!**_

Uh…hey, Ron, put down that wand, now. I promise I won't say anything to Hermione ever again, I—RON! RON WHAT ARE YOU DOI—

oooo

_DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS_

**So what'd you get, detention 'til you're 90?**

_**HE DESERVED IT.**_

**It probably would have helped if you'd transfigured him properly. Makes McGonagall look bad if you can't even turn him into a donkey properly—what was that a toad/fly/donkey combo or something??**

**_C'mon, I was pissed off._**

_**Anyways, Madam Pomfrey fixed him quick enough.**_

_You know Ron, you needn't have been so…erm…tetchy with Dean. The advice column wasn't that bad. Speaking of that, why do people keep making me copies? I mean, I must have been handed at least ten when I nipped into the loo in between class and Lavender pelted me with a few balled up copies. What in the world is that all about?_

…_**I'm going to need a list of names, Hermione. NOW.**_

**Damn—Ron, you don't need anymore detention. Ron! RON!**

_Where did he stomp off to? Snape is going to give him even more detention than McGonagall!_

…

**You know, I think I'm going to go pound my head into the desk fifty billion more times. You two are ridiculous.**

_Harry, about who Ron fancies and those notes from yesterday—_

**HERE, TAKE THEM! DEAN IS RIGHT, YOU TWO AREN'T GOING TO DO ANYTHING UNLESS SOMEBODY SHOVES THE PAIR OF YOU AT EACH OTHER AND FORCE FEEDS YOU VERITASERUM!**

_Perhaps you should see Madam Pomfrey for a Calming Potion, Harry. You're getting very hysterical these days and you very rarely make any sense anymore._

_**$!#!&**_

_And that language is atrocious._

_Hm, anyway, thanks for these notes! I'll read them later. Well, I suppose I ought to pay attention to Snape, that diagram looks quite complicated. _

…

**Hermione wait! Give me the notes back! I didn't mean it, I just got a little excitable!! **

**Hermione.**

**HERMIONE.**

**Oh bugger.**

**I am SO incredibly dead. **


End file.
